Woes of matrimony sans matrimony
I have kinda resigned myself to the fate that when ever mum would say 'meet this phalana dikana "boy" and tell me how you like him', I would trundle along. I would steel myself for the argument and then fight that would inevitably follow.
Me: "No!! Why should I meet anyone?"
Mum" If you dont 'meet' anyone how will you get married?
Me: "well thats not such a bad option. I would really like not to get married."
Mum: But he is such a good 'boy' "
Me: Then you marry him....
After this point the fight would take on myriad hues, ending in a similar fashion. Me angry, mum angry and 'boy' hopefully forgotten.. (one would imagine my mother would want me to meet men at this age and not boys but some other time eh?)
I came away to Delhi thinking will partially at least escape it. That I did.. but discovered that even guys face similar trying situations. One of my colleagues.. a 29 year old... has to constantly contend with all his relatives trying to marry him off.
He, of course, has his own issues but they just dont seem relevant anymore. His relatives dont care that he does not think he is settled or that he does not want to get married.
They tell him "give up you cigarettes and alcohol and may be then the girl will agree to meet you." "You cannot meet her alone for a coffee." You cannnot meet her and then say no, even if she says no." "You have no feelings for your mum and are being so heartless."
I was astonished. I thought only girls were subjected to this and I thought guys could get away with anything. But he seems as traumatised as I was at home. After a while one's family ceases to see marriage as a union between two people who need time to get to know each other - it becomes about responsibility, social criteria, ugly fights and I-told-you-sos..
I nearly gave in before I ran away to Delhi. Hope he too has the energy to fight it out too.
posted by Janaki @ 3:38 AM
8 Comments:
I ran away to Pune, but am wondering if I should crawl back on my knees and beg them to find me someone. :))
*just kidding about it, of course!
I can identify with exactly what you mean!
The problem though is that I (we?) sometimes tend to sell myself very short, especially when it comes to parents. One reason of course is that I can see where they come from. Their concerns are valid and probably in my best interests, except from their point of view. And if I know that they will not understand the issues I face and things that I need to resolve for myself before I can think about marrying, at times like these you really question your own judgement and hope to hell you know what you are doing!
Anyway heres wishing both you & your friend the best of luck :-).
give up cigarettes and alcohol so some nondescript girl can meet him? thats all the more reason to smoke more and tank up every night.
The only thing that works well, as you already know, is to be away from family for a while. Has worked for 3 of my friends, and 4th is thinking about it. Irony, but true!!
heretic: some no someone than someone thru these dubious methods is better na?
mangesh: thanks.. but he needs it more at this point than me..
nish: :D
squared: I guess my list is still building. Am number three in it... need to find a number four.
You know mothers too should be given a chance :)
my best wishes on running away ;-p
Hmm. You know, my lawyer friends even consider the girl's awareness of sec.498a before considering marriage. But thankfully, they don't hold her awareness of the subject against her. :-)
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