Grudglingly admitting

Though it kills me to say it, it is painful and even tiresome to keep holding onto a grudge. However valiantly I continued to make an effort to retain all my negative feelings but its taking up astonishing amounts of energy to remain angry, upset, irritated...

Its been two years and I still refuse to give up. Like most grudges, this one too looks menial from a distance of 2 years. One where I decided to remain spiteful to give up something much more important to me in my life.

Now that I realise this.. what should I do? I have, undoubtedly, damaged the relationship in question and even if I do hash it out, can I undo that damage? Do I want to? I still realise that the very points that the grudge originated for, still remain. What was intolerable then is just as bad today. Is it tantamount to a compromise on the smaller issues for the larger ones in life?

It does not feel thataway. While I cannot deal with the negative bit of emotional turbulence (too much eh?) I still cannot stand the same qualities that bothered me two years ago. In the same vein, I also have no strength to hash out a confrontation.

What now?

We are back to speaking now and slowly am certain will need to explain my behaviour. I guess I will cross that bridge when I come to it.

Phew! a horrid beginning to the week!!!

PS Learn to be frank and honest, even if it is upto a fault.